America’s current stance on marijuana is akin to a bad relationship that desperately needs the hackneyed help of Dr. Phil. Marijuana is the significant other that has the collective mentality of the country all screwed up. We don’t know whether we want to fully legalize marijuana, continue with the decriminalization hypocrisy, use marijuana strictly for medical benefits, re-emphasize the illegality of marijuana according to federal standards, embrace the marijuana zeitgeist that permeates popular culture or spin uncontrollably in the center of the room, lost in the confusion of the aforementioned options. We are caught in an unsustainable tug of war: 23 states and the District of Columbia have passed medical marijuana laws; several other states, including Maryland, have passed (or are in the process of passing) decriminalization laws; and two states: Colorado and Washington have completely legalized marijuana. Are we trying to get the milk without buying the cow here? I mean sure, it conflicts with the war on drugs ideology, and sure your family may not like it but hey isn’t about time that we stop treating our relationship like it’s just friends with benefits. This current state of affairs cannot continue.
According to the federal government, marijuana is illegal and is a schedule 1 drug. Other schedule one drugs include heroin, LSD and ecstasy/ molly. By comparison, cocaine and methamphetamine are schedule 2 drugs and Vicodin and anabolic steroids are schedule 3 drugs. Schedule 4 drugs are drugs with a “low potential for abuse and low risk of dependence” and include Xanax, Soma and Ambien. Or as I like to call them, drugs which have a history of abuse and dependence but are cash cows of the pharmaceutical industry. But that’s another story. Ask Stone Cold Steve Austin about Somas and Ambien and how they are related to the death of some of his friends. No seriously, email his podcast at questions@steveaustinshow.com. It’s possible to overdose on Ambien and Somas, but medical science has concluded that the amount of marijuana it would take to overdose is physically impossible to smoke. But Soma, an ingredient in date rape drugs, somehow ends up as a schedule 4 drug. So what does this all mean? There’s more politics than in the war on drugs than you could imagine.
Back to the grass: America doesn’t want to commit either way with marijuana so it plays with several different options at the same time. Decriminalization is seen as a happy medium by some, including the President of the University of Baltimore and former mayor Baltimore City, Kurt Schmoke. However, decriminalization contradicts federal law and at best, will have a marginal effect on the criminal justice system. Medical marijuana, the bane of the pharmaceutical industry, is gaining traction and acceptance throughout the country. But the overall effectiveness of medical marijuana is undermined by wild variations of laws governing its use and a widespread lack of general understanding of medical marijuana. We, as a country, have yet to scratch the surface of the benefits of medical marijuana. Finally, the benefits of the legalization of marijuana have been touted by a significant part of the population. Some of those benefits include job creation, reduction in crime, tax revenue and the treatment of several medical conditions. Those would seem to be great reasons to jump feet first into the deep end with marijuana but America has cold feet and the schedule 1 drug classification is a great excuse to keep marijuana at a distance
Simply put, America doesn’t know whether to shit or wind its watch when it comes to marijuana. Anyone who has ever been in a committed relationship knows that commitments are hard. America has reached a breaking point with marijuana. America cannot continue with this convoluted state of affairs. There are currently 5 sets of laws governing marijuana: state criminal laws, state medical marijuana laws, state decriminalization, state legalization and federal criminal laws. That’s fucking insane. And, in the case of conflict, federal law state law. If you really want to deport Justin Bieber, don’t create a stupid petition to send to the White House. Send your friend who’s a federal agent to catch him smoking marijuana. Even if Bieber is in California, Colorado or Maryland, he’ll be deported back to Canada faster than you can say “Bieleber.”
At this point, it’s really simple: in every relationship, there comes a point where you have to put up or shut up. America and marijuana need to have a heart to heart. America needs to legalize marijuana or decide that marijuana is no good for this country. This clusterfuck needs to end. America: shit or get off of the pot.
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